We had a great day. The girls went trick or treating at the retirement home in the morning with Grandma Sue, then went to the park with their other grandma - it was GORgeous today. Chris and I had a chance to go out to lunch together after I came home from work and before he had to leave - and without the kids! It was so nice, but whatever I ate at Chili's gave me a headache and then I fell asleep.
At 4 we went around the block, which is SO hard to wait till 4! when you are Charlotte and Eleanor- and which I love to do because we get to connect with the neighbors. I think Halloween is the friendliest holiday. On our way to spend the rest of the evening with family, we cruised the strip of big historical houses where we marveled at the parade of trick or treaters. Charlotte yelled Obama! at a poster where my boss happens to live, so we stopped by and I had a glass of wine with them. It was lovely. We could hardly hold a conversation, the stream of trick or treaters was endless. Obviously the rest of the city busses their kids to this neighborhood. I can't imagine how much candy they buy. We had one bag, which we supplemented with the candy the kids didn't want from their first run, left it on the porch, and there was still some when we got back. We did a second run with our cousins and then all went to dinner at Old Country Buffet where costumed kids ate free. I haven't been there in years because I don't like it, but it was really fun and the kids enjoy the food and getting it themselves. It is decadent for me to not hear them whine about what's for dinner.
I stayed up late last night coloring my hair and again ran out of product. I also tried to cut it and couldn't get it even in back. Chris fixed it for me this morning. I thought I looked like a junior high girl who couldn't color her hair, but I got compliments on my "highlights," so maybe I'll let it go for awhile. This time I used light pink.
This morning I did dishes and the girls danced on the coffee table to NOFX.
A family friend, whose husband Chris donated a kidney to, took the girls school shopping today. I hate the mall and avoid going more than once a year, but we had a very nice time. She bought them clothes and lunch and ice cream and a carousel ride.
Today we had a lot of fun at a Halloween party with our unschooling group. I made quinoa. Boil 4 cups water Add 2 cups quinoa Cover and cook 12-15 minutes till the water is gone Fluff and turn off heat Toss in handful of pinenuts Toss in a handful of golden flaxseeds, see that there is just a little left in the jar and throw that in too Add handful of dried cherries. I was disappointed to discover last second that mine were sweetened. Add handful and a half of sweetened dried cranberries. Drizzle 2 tablespoons oil and ume vinegar to taste (careful, it's salty) And at least one teaspoon of umeboshi (Japanese pickled plum) flavored furikake (Japanese dried condiment to sprinkle on rice)
I have been looking for a non-toxic cold cream and found a recipe for honey cold cream here which works out because I have a ridiculous amount of beeswax from an encaustic painting phase. Which might not be over. I really want to work in resin but it is so toxic. I signed Chris and I both up for a show in the Spring, so we'll see what gets made. I love his work. He has been too stressed out to draw since we graduated and it used to feel like a piece of him that I fell in love with was gone but I have fallen in love with the rest of him so much over the years that I don't think about it anymore. I feel it coming back, though. I think he is happier now. We sold our car today. Yay! It sat in the driveway for a year waiting to get paid off, then another 6 months waiting to get cleaned up. Gone. Hurrah! I heart craig's list.
We had a party for Charlotte this weekend. When we were first at Chuck E Cheese, just she and I for a half hour or so, and I had no money and no table and no guests, I was trying hard not to feel anxious, but it all ended up beautifully. I left feeling like we knew so many wonderful families. One of my favorite things about home schooling has been the piecing together of the ever elusive village - and this one blends whole families, not neatly compartmentalized by age, tucking away children and old people. I am so happy to get to know kids and parents at the same time. Community is happening and it's awesome.
Our super busy day was great and we spent some nice time with Margaret and Violet, who we won't see again till next year. The kids' play was cool. Eleanor kept turning to me in the dark saying "this is fun!" The art opening was weird and a lady pivoted in the other direction to avoid me which seemed petty, but I'm not running for office; I don't have to be friends with everybody. I'm learning how important it is to know how much you can handle, and I previously couldn't handle her. Our dinner was lovely except for a moment when I felt embarrassed that I had a mini tantrum about Sarah Palin while amongst Republican family members. Lastly, Chris and I had a sort of double date concert that was really great. We saw Local H, real close, and they played everything I wanted to hear. We don't usually stand that close, but the other couple likes to (and I do, too) and I was especially impressed with how the drum sticks flew so fast they looked like Japanese fans. I had just enough to drink, good company, a sexy husband, and relished my secret plan to punch in the face any frat boys who got too close. Sunday we watched School of Rock with the girls and I was delighted that they wanted to start a band.
The next morning Charlotte decorated her cake.
I have started a new bedtime book, A Short History of Nearly Everything, for the girls that I already need to supplement with some NOVA specials because it is so exciting. He asks and answers the really interesting science questions that seem too dumb to ask in school. It has already led to some intense curiosity about the cosmos by my bedtime listeners.
In other news, Eleanor and I had a tough day - she refused to put on shoes and socks and I lost my temper and we both cried when the other wasn't looking. The day blossomed into something great anyway because we spent the bulk of it with our new friends and had a great time at their house. I am excited about this new friendship.
When I got home I was excited by an email from Darcy in our group about organizing nature days. She included this amusing video:
An enormous reason for unschooling the girls was to allow them time to be outside and learn from actual nature. How silly to force them to sit still in desks to read dull textbooks about what's outside when they just want to run around outside and discover it and truly know it. I have also been thinking about the sense of entitlement that comes from putting up with this schooling. I myself thought that because I jumped through the hoops to get a diploma and two degrees, that I deserve a good job. Going through those motions means very little. I am learning that success has more to do with ambition, creativity, problem solving, and motivation, as well as state of mind. The system, our current culture, is only relatively recently constructed and only superimposed upon reality. It has us going to schools where we are sifted and categorized and made relatively similar so that we can fit into jobs in big companies, doing work we don't love for people we don't like because we need the benefits, and it all seems more and more false and polyester and I begin to wonder if I can sidestep it. There is not just outside of the box, there is above and below it. Drug culture and not bathing and orgies, for example, are below the box. I am noticing that the box exists, is not as well considered as it could be, and trying to evolve past it. So I took the kids out of school.
My goal tonight was to make my first 3 tier fondant cake for Charlotte's party this weekend. Tomorrow we have a play, then a playdate, then an art opening, then a dinner, then rush home to get the kids in bed and meet Chris at a concert. So the cake has to be made tonight. But I got a phone call that has me stunned and I can't get going now. This is when a diary would be better than a blog. ...But one of the reasons I started a blog and kicked the journal was because being held accountable to readers who may or may not exist will stop me from perseverating on nonsense. Like this issue. I feel like crying anyway.
Goal setting is one of my goals for homeschooling lately. (heh) So, I will get up, make my cake, take some pictures, and post them. Ok.
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Ok. I did it. I had to wait for Chris to get home and bring me some eggs because there were none left. I half-assed this fondant recipe. And made 2 boxes of yellow cake and a double batch of buttercream frosting. I thought it would be easier. Mine looks more like a Dali.
I am sick or have terrible allergies. I'm not sure which.
I made pesto today with the last of the basil in the garden. It was OK. Too garlicy. I also did all the dishes while the girls played math and science computer games, then discussed Sojourner Truth and slavery with them, and read some. Charlotte made french toast. Gracie has finally gotten over wanting to read the bear book over and over and is content to hear any book she finds once, then to point to pictures and be given names of people/things. I can see her collecting words - her eyes are such windows.
The current wheel in my mind is wondering about the details and consequences of getting our family RTW paid for by allowing it to be filmed as a series. Chris said no way.
This girl reminds me of Eleanor. When she asks, I'll oblige.
Thursday night I woke up with an allergy attack, couldn't breathe well or go back to sleep. I spent all of Friday cleaning out our room (remember the clothes carpet?) and damp dusting the walls and floor. I turned the bed around - like parallel parking in our little room, and left the dresser in the hallway. I slept better that night, then slammed my little toe into the dresser when I woke the next day. I think I may have broken it. I spent all of Saturday laundering and organizing every single garment in the house. I was very happy to spend my weekend this way. It's just what we needed. It's funny how your idea of bliss changes over the years.
I spent $200 on food over the last 2 days. I never do that. I went with Sue to Sam's. I wanted to get workbooks for the girls to have available when they were in the mood, but they looked so boring I skipped the comprehensive ones and just got one math book. We all sat on the kitchen floor that night and worked in the books. It was something fun they felt like doing. I am really embracing the unschooling philosophy. I read through The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn. Boy do I wish I read that when I was in high school. It came out when I was a freshman.
We finished the most delightful book this weekend called The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo. SO Lovely. Before that we read Emily's Runaway Imagination by Beverly Cleary. Pretty good.
A friend pointed out this website. Look what I am so pumped to make: I love power shovels!
Chris took the car to a body shop today and they couldn't open the back door either. It will have to be cut off and replaced, and so it will stay locked. Eleanor is magic. Good job Eleanor magical car door shutter on the seat belt magician.
As for us today, we went to the gym, where the girls ran around in the actual gym while I watched from an elliptical machine, then we went grocery shopping. I let Charlotte pick out anything for her birthday breakfast and lunch. She chose oreo flavor pop tarts and spaghettios. Oh boy. Then we went to my aunt's and picked the the last of our carrots, tomatoes and basil and had a nice lunch and chat. It was raining. Next they went to girl scouts. Their scout leaders are awesome and have so many great academic and service projects lined up. I got their first little patches today.
I am making soup. It's awesome. One chicken carcass with a lot of meat left on it. The lemons, garlic, and bay leaves that were inside when I baked it. Throw into 10 cups chicken broth (leftover frozen from making empanadas) 3 squash, a few carrots, and a leek leftover from the roast chicken dinner - blend these with some of the broth and add back to the pot. Cook on low heat till the meat falls off, strain the bones and bay and lemons out.
We also squeezed in baguettes today. I did the first step before roller skating, then begrudgingly took them because I had promised, even though we had housework to take care of and it meant I would go unshowered, then squeezed in the next step between skating and work, then finally baked them and enjoyed them at 8:30 PM. With soup.
The girls LOVE the video camera. I will wait to post their efforts until Eleanor's inclination to stick her face into the lens and scream subsides.
This was the favorite activity at our lovely Learners' Fair today. This is our table at the end of the Fair, after the kids had yanked the table cloth down a few times. Our display originally included piles of waxed leaves with name cards, books and paintings the girls had made, and a plate of pumpkin cookies to share. We were just trying to express our enthusiasm for this: Is it my enthusiasm?...I'm trying to share it with them, anyway. I tell them the trees look like stained glass windows in the sun.
Over the weekend the girls and Violet and my dad and I went fishing briefly. The bugs and heat and crying hikers were worth the pictures I got.
Eleanor even caught a fish!
When we came home today for a half hour between the fair and work, very tired, and needing to use the time to enter grades and not clean our messy house, I found that Chris, who I was already thinking gushing thoughts about today, had secretly come home, cleaned the first two rooms, and left me a belated birthday card with the (very basic) instruction manual for a flip video camera that I had been wanting for our homeschool - yay! I almost cried. I am so excited that he's so awesome and so excited for the movies the girls and I will make together (so I cannot sit at the computer tonight - I MUST retaliate with washed dishes before he gets home.)
By the way, energy in class is fun again and I liked the look of my little shrine after working on it some more that I angled it so that, just before I turned out the lights in the classroom, I could gaze at it one more time. ha
The energy in class was lame today. Last week had been awesome. I worked on my day o dead shadow box. lame o dead. I can't believe I'm supposed to be the teacher sometimes. The pressure of being an expert. I am expert at nothing. These are nice. Buy them here. I think I am drawn to these because I grew up playing with this music box. The little paper clown is jointed and dances to clair de lune; also dances when you turn him upside down and shake him.
My mother in law, whom we shall now just call Sue because she is becoming too daily a force in my life to be referred to as MIL, made box brownies that are like crack - I willingly eschew all social graces to get just one more in my mouth. The perfect blend of melty oil and chewy sugar. Ah...
The girls and I did our first service project together. We packed meal bags for Feed My Starving Children. One kid holds the little plastic bag under a funnel and calls out each ingredient while other kids dump them into the funnel. Tonight the girls were still yelling, "Chicken! Veggies! Soy! Rice!" Charlotte, my desperately picky eater, enjoyed the sample of this pilaf so much she told me sometimes she wishes she could live in the village so she could eat this. Maybe she didn't totally grasp the informational video. (You can watch the same video through the link.) It felt good to do this small thing. I wondered what it would be like to just eat one bowl of this once a day for a week. We are such gifted whiners, we Americans.
Eleanor has been cooking. These were delicious. Boil 10 eggs, peel, slice in half, scoop yolks into bowl. Mash yolks with about a 1/4 cup smart balance mayo 5 second squirt of yellow mustard 1/2 tsp curry powder 1 tsp honey Scoop into whites. Try to get Eleanor to share some. Ignore Charlotte's whining that she hates deviled eggs.
We also went to the theatre today to see Scrap Arts Music. We attended a show for kids. They played instruments they had made from otherwise garbage. It was very high energy and creative - a little Blue Man, a little taiko, a little Wiggles.
Chris put this song on one of the mix tapes that we had in our car in Japan and it brings me back every time I hear it.Before kids, I planned to backpack endlessly around the globe and made no alternate career plans. What I love about travel is the elation that comes from stripping away daily habits to more easily reveal a true sense of self. In widening my scope beyond my environment, I feel I deepen my scope within. I love to travel alone and feel like a perfect sphere of a person - not being dented and misshapen by daily pacifying, compromising, expectations, anxiety-inducing relationships. Like a floating bubble with no ties, no people-pleasing. Just adventure, and the kind of wild-eyed observation that sizzles in the eyes of an artist like on two hot pans. Traveling with two toddlers in Japan was an overwhelming responsibility and mostly we just tried to live our simple lives in a small town. It was there that I really began to appreciate the nuance of beauty in the mundane and the spiritual value of living simply. That was the treasure we brought home. I can't remember Japanese anymore. Sumimasen.
I love our life here and my smokin hot husband. More now than I did in Japan. I still try to talk him into going back - the yen IS much stronger than the dollar now, but he is sure he doesn't want to. I am "teaching" the girls geography by flipping through The Travel Book, asking them where they want to go on an RTW, and putting a sticker on the wall map.
What is an RTW? Why, a round the world trip. All at once. Why would you do that? To really get into the spiritual culture of travel. To not pay for living expenses at home while you are traveling. To save on airfare. Because it would be awesome.
Today was cold. We went to the gym. No problem with the kids and it felt great to workout. After that we met with our unschooling group, who are always good company. While talking with another mom, I looked up and couldn't find Gracie, who I had become used to seeing stumble around a five foot radius of my legs, and said out loud, "I can't find Gracie" ...AND I WAS NURSING HER. Ah ha ha. Oh my god. That's worse than telling the person you're on the phone with that you can't find your phone.
I found the debate boring tonight so I watched The Girls Next Door instead. Holly made a chocolate vagina. In class tonight I announced we would be making shadow boxes for the Day of the Dead. Naturally, I've never made one before. Check out Crafty Chica and this project.
I am trying to figure out if it's OK to bring your homeschooled school age children to the gym during school hours. They all like the daycare there and it shows them that fitness is a regular part of life. It certainly would help my mood. They can even do their own exercise. I'm just afraid of what people will think, I guess.
Charlotte made a cool book today called "The Dead" in which a skeleton rises from the dead and makes friends with a little girl and then becomes human. I had nothing to do with it. She is so cool. Look at their hearts in little cages in their chests. They are happy.
Today was way better than yesterday. Yesterday I cried. (I think it was menstrual.) Saturday we tried to have a little party for my birthday. 3/4 of people could not come. I felt very grateful to the two very important to me couples that did come. I felt I should send them a thank you note just for taking time out of their schedules to come. AND they gave me gift cards AND they both brought bean dip. I think it's much better when you tell people to bring a dish instead of a gift, to ask them to bring whatever they want because what is funnier than every single person bringing the same thing? That is a cohesive group of friends. Another friend came a little later but I offended her, she soon left, and then I felt bad through the next morning about it. I was just keeping it real. I really thought it was dumb to rename yourself after a building material. Maybe without margaritas I would not have said it out loud. But I came to a conclusion. I CANNOT live in an isolated ecovillage. This may be the Geography of Nowhere, but I am here, my family is here, my friends are here, enough people are here that I can meet diverse interest groups. I like that. I know by now that happiness has everything to do with perception and little to do with location. We are going to have to do something with the suburbs anyway. It wouldn't be efficient to completely tear them down. Better to be a beacon of education in a crowd than a purist in the middle of nowhere.
So yesterday, I finally got dressed, resenting the New Year's Eve sort of inevitable-let-down pressure of an adult birthday, and drove in the rain to the best hot chai latte, one town over. No wallet. I scrapped together the coins from Chris' car, enjoyed the latte, and reflected on how I would live out my cob dreams, realizing now that I was unwilling to live in places where people renamed themselves Cob and were defensive about it. I began to imagine a municipal sculpture park, inspired by Nikki de Saint Phalle's Tarot Garden, which was inspired by Gaudi's Parc Guell.
Colorful and inviting, that children could climb and crawl into and play with, each sculpture representing a tennet of sustainability or suggestion toward. So I'm drawing up ideas. I know just the park for it.
I came home after the latte, sat around and watched TV with my family, who did not want to go on my annual walk in the woods, and got depresseder. I finally decided to go to the bookstore by myself, feeling guilty that I was choosing to leave my family as my birthday treat. Gracie gave me such a power pout on the way out that I turned the corner and pulled the car over. Then I pulled into a parking lot and cried. I ended up going to a movie with my best cousin (also an attendee from the night before) but guilty and anxious about Chris' feelings about my leaving him to go to a movie. (again with the menstrual) We saw Burn After Reading. It was pretty funny.
I already skipped yoga today. I just didn't feel like it. But we did 3 loads of laundry -all the way to folded and in the drawers, and finished the dishes and got the kids to tidy the house and work in their workbooks and made Thai food for lunch and peeled and sliced a dozen apples t0gether (which is harder) and made 2 apple crumbles. Then I called my MIL about the kids coming over later and had a very awkward exchange when Chris answered the phone, thinking it was his brother sounding creepily like Chris, because why would he be at his mom's and not school. I guess he didn't have anything to work on. But he is leaving early tomorrow morning because he has to work on some stuff. I feel uncomfortable about this. I don't want to micromanage his time or be on his case, but I am jealous that he has free time. I don't have any free time. If I am not with the kids, I am at work, or in transit to one or the other. But he has secret mystery hang out time? I felt like I caught him cheating. I mean, not just like. Just a little like.
The house is messy again and I am stressed out that people are coming over tomorrow. Eleanor peed on the floor on purpose while I was on the phone, ignoring her request to turn on the lights for her. I was so mad. She laughed and then cried. We woke up Gracie and then all three of us ignited Charlotte's wailing that she feels like she's in a nightmare. I hosed off Eleanor and hoisted her into bed after she refused to do it herself, read Charlotte a story, laid down with Charlotte and told her to have peace in her mind that no one can get at, tucked Gracie in again, and told Eleanor I loved her and tucked her in, too. Then I sat down at the black hole which is the computer, ate the rest of the kit kats, and googled kids too old to pee on the floor. I called my mom and she said it's just for attention- ignore it. She's right.
Earlier today, we went to the library and got 27 books. Chris took Gracie for a pair of little converse(?.) We had pizza for lunch (20.) We met the new home school group at the park, then got gas(50), went to the farm for the CSA pickup, and stopped at the grocery to get a list of items that Charlotte wrote out after choosing recipes from a delightful kids' cookbook from the Moosewood Kitchen (35.) At the end of our expensive day, we made bean and cheese enchiladas together, which I served by slipping them from the pan onto the coffee table. Classy. No wonder the kids pee on the floor.
In the last week, all the girls have had to pile in from one side of the car and we are short a seat belt because Eleanor closed the door with the seat belt hanging out in just the right way to catch the lock. Neither Chris nor I can get it open for anything.
I took the girls roller skating today($20- with pizza and an ice cream bar.) It was wonderful and we met more great homeschoolers. Gracie seemed interested so I put some skates on her and she was a natural. She was so independent; she didn't even want me to hold on to her.
We went for a bike ride on the trail by our house. Beautiful day. Collected more leaves. Explored. On the way home, Eleanor almost got hit by a small truck turning into a driveway. He missed her by about 2 feet. Half a block later, a couple screamed at me from their car, presumably for having my kids on this sidewalk. I looked up bike safety rules and we weren't doing anything wrong. I never take them out riding because I am afraid and it felt great to ride the trail together today, but now I feel dazed.
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Feeling better, 8 hours later. I love this blog. Look at this designer's website I found there.
This also really does it for me. I want to have a chandelier like that in my cob hut. (Michael Eastman via Hidden in France)
I am looking at a lot of graffiti art lately and thinking about starting a series of 4 Amazonian girls/women in spray paint, naturally about the girls and I, and inspired by Kirsty Macoll's 'Us Amazonians' and 'Allegria,' from Tropical Brainstorm. I've never worked in spray paint before but I don't want to deal with a palette or brushes or cleaning. I need immediacy of materials or I just won't get around to it.
Homemaker - woman who makes her family's home - with her bare hands out of mud and clay, all curves and color and superior design.
