Poor Eleanor laid in bed with me this morning, said no one will sit with her at lunch. She tries to sit at the girls' table and they tell her no, they've already made "arrangements." She uses air quotes. She ends up sitting by herself or with a few boys who don't get to sit at the boys' table. I hate for her to have this rejection at such a formative stage. She's been enjoying school much more and was very happy to get an A on her last math paper. The schedule is so good for her and I know I can't protect her forever, but when she looks up at me with those big brown eyes and tells me how no one likes her I just want to cuddle in bed with her all morning and keep her home forever. I asked Charlotte if she was having the same problem at lunch and she said she just sort of sits somewhere and then all her friends come sit with her.

things are going much better. I've sold some paintings. The kids are liking school. Gracie loves having mommy to herself. I feel good about going to the gym again. Even the dog is being really good.

12 bird paintings finished after ten hours yesterday. I'm satisfied. 18 more to finish by thursday.

Very happy with second grade. Charlotte is advanced in everything and feels a sense of success and companionship. her teacher is really cool.

Unhappier and unhappier with fourth grade. Eleanor was given a math test on material she doesn't know at all after three days. The kid next to her made fun of the big F on her paper. This lady doesn't appear to be interested in smoothing the transition for Eleanor (who came home and sobbed about the F and the teasing.) I am scrambling to help her learn her multiplication/division facts to catch up but she feels really pressured. She begged a return to homeschooling, but Chris says we must finish this experimental year. I hope her teacher doesn't turn out to do more damage than good. I don't trust her.

OK. I just deleted one huge thing (homeschooling) and one small...ish thing (planning a school) from my plate. I feel relieved. Eleanor experienced social drama on day 1 when two groups of girls fought over her. And she is behind in math and writing but ahead in reading. but overall...so far, OK. Her teacher really seems to be nothing special. I bore witness to her annoyance at receiving another new student without notice. The primary function of school so far seems to be to stimulate Eleanor's competitive nature and force a schedule on her/us. I was not good at enforcing a schedule and I think they need one. Charlotte will start Monday and her teacher seems really cool.

OK. now I'm depressed. feeling the loss of a 2 1/2 year project that meant the world to me. the loss of what became in a way a self-identity. the loss of a group membership that I really enjoyed.

don't want to cry in front of Chris for fear he'll misunderstand and think I'm flip-flopping.

I'm just sitting here, wondering if I should paint for the show, make meatballs, or do crusty dishes. Instead my nose is starting to run and I don't even have the get up and go to wipe it. let alone wash dishes.

Chris and I discussed it conclusively this morning and, at this point, the best choice really is to send them to school for now. it feels like a failure but I guess the real failure would be to refuse to change as needed.

Its just all happening so fast.

Oh my god what am I doing Eleanor goes to school tomorrow

So, it looks like school. Our tour went well. The girls are very excited and my throw up feeling has passed. Naturally, the first order of business was to order them really cool lunch accessories. We have been talking a lot lately about creating as little garbage as possible, so high quality lunch storage that will last for years is important.

fall meal plan:

sunday: rotisserie chicken, potato, vegetable (grocery shop and start tomorrow's soup)

monday: chicken soup and fresh bread

tuesday: tacos

wednesday: stir fry, rice

thursday: spaghetti

friday: homemade pizzas (bake crusts and tomorrow's buns)

saturday: pulled pork (or burgers, dogs), baked beans, cole slaw

so today I made shrimp "ceviche" on tostadas - SO GOOD.

Mix:

1# salad shrimp, rinsed to thaw

juice of 2 limes

1/2 tsp salt

3 cloves garlic crushed

1 or two avocados diced

2 tomatoes diced

about 3T red onion minced

about 1/2 cup cilantro chopped

let mingle in fridge up to 30 minutes, pile onto 3 tostadas. this was delicious w/o a side dish.

tonight I'll start the sauce and meatballs for Thursday's spaghetti and make enough for a month.

In other news, because our schedules are changing, because the kids want to, and because I think I may have over-villified the school system - at least at the elementary level, ... we are considering sending the kids back to school. I'm coming to see that both ways can be successful as long as the parents are active in the educational process. This confused my husband at first, but he could see there were lots of little reasons piling up to this. It isn't because I can't handle them - dumping kids at school for discipline is a disaster. I love my kids and I want to serve them the best way I can, even if that is different from my original opinion. I love homeschooling and I love being with them all day, but with all I have to get done, some of their time each day may be better spent at school. The truth is, over time, I have not been as consistent with my good intentions for homeschooling as I would call successful. They are fine academically and their self confidence is wonderful (which I'm still worried about as far as going back to school is concerned) but school would offer them structure and stimulation that I am inconsistent with. I have to work, I have to paint, and its really hard to juggle those two jobs, keeping house, raising children, and educating them all at once. Do I always have to do everything the hard way? Besides, if they don't like it, they can come back home. But they want to go. And if they become depressed later because school is so awful, they can come back home. We'll see how it goes.

This is the carpet for me. Yes yes yes. overdyed is the latest trend is rugs you say? fantastic. i'm all for it. This rug is 14 thousand dollars. what? I'm thinking about pulling a persian style rug out of someone's garbage, bleaching it, and dying it flaming orange. The weather is oddly nice enough to still comfortably involve the hose.

took the kids to the symphony this weekend. Funny how a one hour concert becomes an eight hour adventure on the train. fun. exhausting. pictures when I figure out how to get them from my phone.

I painted my dad's house this weekend. looks good. between his gratitude and some pre-sales from friends, my paint and panels will arrive today. I feel like I've been revving my engines at the starting line and I can hardly wait to get started painting. I picture more of baby blue Disney car, contorted into a sort of a yoga cat pose. I see it in slow motion: that today it gets to stretch out and sprint.

clouds of dust.

I am so into this album right now.

survey: is it worth it to road trip to the panhandle for Thanksgiving with 3 kids in the back of a compact?

why we homeschool (while my anxiety level creeps up, I drink tea and listen to the Amelie soundtrack, kids bicker and scream alternately in pain and glee and I think, what's wrong with the public school again?)

Its not that the particular school is so bad, as that the idea of a one-size fits all education is stifling. Its the way young kids learn there that its them against the adults and the way so many of them won't look you in the eye. Their learned shyness. Their misconceptions about the importance of fitting into an available group. I don't believe in teaching to the test. I don't like the lord of the flies social structure that everyone knows secretly thrives behind the teachers' backs. It takes years for some people to get over the bullying they experience in school. Always proving themselves beyond the point where they can be happy, proving to people they don't know anymore, how great they are now. Some teachers try really hard and are wonderful at their jobs, but so many shouldn't be teaching anymore or at all or only can understand the sort of school-loving type of learner that they were as kids. Sometimes the teacher is the bully. I can't leave it up to such a bureaucratic institution to get my particular child in a good class. Sometimes the material is watered down to make it possible to feed to so many kids at once. Sometimes the material is so arbitrary or abstract that its just beating a love for learning out of the kids and boring them to death. At home, we can be hands-on all day. At school, that's too hard with the number of kids. How much of childhood obesity has to do with making them sit still at desks and computers all day, organizing their running around time into sports that only some of them like, and boring them or working them to tears so that when they come home they just crash in front of the TV instead of play or go off to discover? Stress is unhealthy for us and its wrong to stress our kids beyond what they can handle in order to meet these fairly arbitrary standards. Everybody's different; of course they learn at different rates and have different interests. What justifies a boy having suicidal thoughts because he's failing algebra when he will NEVER need algebra in his chosen field? We can't treat them like adults and make demands of them as such because they're not adults. Expecting your children to behave like adults is the number one cause of child abuse. School as it is now asks for children to behave too much like adults. The rush to learn certain things by a certain time is invented. Kids need to play and discover and preserve their innate love for learning. These become passionate adults that can move their choice of mountain. I make my kids study the 3 R's right now, but the extent to which a well-rounded education is forced on kids in schools can do more harm than good. I don't remember where I read this, but children are not vessels to be filled, but flowers we help to bloom. They have what they need already, they just need to be nurtured.

Mine aren't screaming anymore and I remember again why I don't send them to the state-mandated free babysitting down the street.

inexpensive cozy pleasures:

lipton tea, black. really cheap.

homemade bread.

Boil 3 cups water.

our into 1.5 cups assorted grains and seeds (I use amaranth, millet, flax, sunflower, sesame)

wait till just warm and add 2T of honey, stir and

add 4tsp yeast. wait till foamy. about 10 minutes.

add 1.5 cup whole wheat flour,

2T oil,

4 T honey,

3 tsp salt. Stir and wait till bubbly, about 15 minutes.

Add 5.5 cups bread flour. Stir well.

Cover and let sit 1 hour.

Punch down and divide into 2 loaves.

Let sit 45 minutes.

Bake 30 minutes at 375.

(from Amy)

Chicken Soup.

2 # chicken legs. about a dollar at the Mexican grocery.

1# carrots, dollar

1/2 a celery, dollar

2 onions, 25 cents

Fill big pot halfway with water, add salt and some vinegar, like 2T, and bay leaves.

Add raw chicken and let cook on low for at least 24 hours.

Add chopped vegetables and let cook another 12 on low.

Remove chicken and add parsley bouquet from garden.

Take meat from skin and bones. You know you did it right if the bones crumble between your fingers. Give these very soft bits to the dog.

Put the chicken back in the pot, take out the parsley.

All done. Serve with the bread and the tea.

Eat more bread later, with tea and lots of butter.

Try not to eat any more of the kids' fun size snickers bars.

handed in 2 paintings for faculty show today. paintings are just OK. of course its a sizable undertaking just to drop these off with my entourage, in the rain, from a distant parking spot. the other guy's work was better.

really want to keep painting but I don't have any substrates (boards) or money. My friend brought me groceries with her link card and I was so humbled and grateful. Hoping to make a few dozen small paintings to sell. Have 3 weeks.

its all good.

I'm trying to gather photos and video of all the work I've done and I'm such a jackass that I can't find any. I have documentation of ONE piece from grad school. What an ass. I made a bunch of videos, all process pieces: keeping a public journal along the bike path (before blogs), making a cross stitch of the president - then projecting the making of onto a frame of cross stitch fabric next to the actual cross stitch, a charcoal animation on family (projected onto the single sheet of paper it was made on), a four piece video installation on parenting and family for my thesis, making a 6 foot mandala out of ground up fruit loops - about parenting... all gone. I have nothing to show for my website. I guess in the university library there would be a copy of the thesis, but come on. I have 98, maybe 2003, 2005, absurd that I have nothing from 2006 - the year I graduated ART SCHOOL, 2008, 2009, and 2010 represented. Half... most of... my "career" is missing. I try to tell myself that it was all a process, part of what got me to now, all just ephemeral documentation - that's what I was into those years - family and the ephemeral - maybe why I was so half assed about maintaining good records... and that its OK, but for all that work, I should have something to show for it, for those times I need to jump through resume-style hoops.

Coming from the beef and corn center of the country where we don't like the taste of fish, I still marvel at how much my daughters still love fish flavored foods after a formative year in Japan.

I am experimenting with my paintings. I'm pouring epoxy resin directly over wet paint and oil. I honestly don't know what's going to happen, but I can't paint unless I can be openly impulsive. Hoping that I can just pour more layers of resin over any mistakes/cracks. I don't know why I keep painting portraits. I don't enjoy them. I only want to push paint around and experiment. I researched flower symbolism and half-assed some gladiolus onto Tania and Antoine - which mean 'love at first sight,' appropriate because Tania knew Antoine was hers as soon as she met him (foster-adoption.) But, I don't like painting the flowers either. Its fun to draw them for about 20 minutes, but I have no patience to make detailed florals. So I poured stuff all over them and made it about texture again.

I'll go take a picture.

Feeling Inspired. Actually spent all morning, and then some, painting in the dining room. Chris sat across from me and read a magazine for awhile, the girls sat across and painted in tempera for awhile, and I handled all the stresses while maintaining inspiration and motivation. doesn't hurt that I have a painting due in less than a week. Almost done with one, hoping to finish 3.

Influences:

Hans Hofmann


Richard Diebenkorn

William Kentridge



Cy Twombly



Jean Michel Basquiat



Alice Neel

Keith Tyson



Joan Mitchell



Really liked Melissa Herrington at Art Chicago this year - uses resin.



Hung Liu



Squeak Carnwath - can't see the translucent alkyds on screen



Franz Kline



Agnes Martin



Helen Frankenthaller



Robert Motherwell



Robert Rauschenberg



Jasper Johns


What do these pieces have in common? Most of them have a balance of bold and subtle color, a play on texture, and are abstracted. I don't usually care for realism. Its the play of translucent layers of paint that really makes my heart pound. Its more universal if its non-objective. I like that; it lasts longer for me because I can continue to read it differently over time. Some are about line, some have text, some are cathartic. I relate to most of these pieces on an emotional-visual level that is above just seeing and beyond the appreciation I can conjure up for representational work. Some paintings give me a feeling that I have to swallow them whole, that I'm desperate to crawl inside them, to never look away. They induce a panic for their beauty. I don't know if I can ever make such a thing for another person to feel, but its important not to get caught up in realism and to continue to paint from this non-verbal, emotional-visual, panic, even cathartic state. To feel the painting, never to over-think it. (I'm guilty of some of that right now.)

The other day I saw a cut corn field FULL of geese and I imagined they were the crop and you could just pick one by it's long neck.

made an octopus costume based on Chris' idea to use sweatpants. also making shredded scarves and memory wire bead bracelets. Need to finish painting for faculty show in one week. ... not sure if possible. good start but no time to myself till after I've run out of steaming. considering getting a coffee maker to fuel late-night painting. would like make a few dozen small paintings for a Christmas trunk show.

I am so tired. babysitting 4 kids today. had 9 over for art lessons. did homeschool with my 3. i love every one of these kids but its no wonder I want to escape to a magical world of Room and Board sometimes.

this is that phase of life where your daughter is old enough to snottily take the neighbor's mail out of your mailbox and ask why you don't just walk it over there yourself, then agree to bring it over, but young enough that later you find that same envelope buried in her closet. You confront her about and she laughs. You get angry and slam the door open and make a hole in the wall with the knob. The three year old is still screaming about not getting a treat she found at 8PM. Screaming. You step out to put the neighbor's mail back in the box and the dog slips out. You chase the dog around the house and the dog rightly cowers in fear of you when caught. You're old enough to have some wrinkles but young enough to have a really painful zit on your nose that you tell your three year old not to touch so she immediately honks your nose and you shriek and she starts screaming again.

it doesn't matter because its 9 and the kids are in bed and I'm finally alone. Chris will be home soon and I can't wait to see him because I'm in love with him and I'm just looking forward to sitting with him. When I close my eyes I see his kind and smiling eyes. he has a beard again. We went to a show last night. It was fun. We met about 15 people there. It was surreal to walk down a dark, deserted city street and be approached from two directions by groups of friends. like we were in a musical about a gang of indie rock fans.

the last week or two has been thrilling weather, the late afternoon fall sun gilding halos around my little girls' heads, the maple in the yard displaying pink red yellow orange and green. I started painting again, art lessons have gone well. This is a season that first brings back memories of when Chris and I first started dating and then turns into the weather when my cousin died. And I am depressed. totally unfocused and bored. and overwhelmed at the same time. and a cold. I got some bad news about family health that made my knees buckle - but everything will be alright. I'm wallowing it right now. I painted Gram and Pa's armchairs' legs red. My aunt would be so mad. But they look like sassy red tights on puce velveteen chairs. Shabby chic looks cute online but my house is starting to look too old lady. The dining room with it's fuschia curtains and each chair a different color is the best room in the house. Need more color. no more white - yawn.

yesterday was hard. the week had been really busy with art lessons, mostly organizing them and buying more and more supplies, so I was really looking forward to a laid back Friday - such nice weather. started early - long dog walk. going to 3 stores with the kids was OK but then Charlotte had tantrums for hours because, although she could do whatever else she wanted, she had to do math and spelling if she wanted to watch TV. Eleanor instigated trouble amongst her sisters that resulted in screaming throughout the day and the occasional physical fight. And the dog DIARRHEA'd on the piles of the girls' clean clothes I had removed from their explosion of a bedroom the other day. I was exhausted. My Aunt Kathy stopped by late in the evening - I had invited her for some good vegetable soup I'd made all day with yeast rolls- and like a superhero did all of my dishes. She brought her granddaughter, who played/occupied my girls and THEN took the older two home for a SLEEPOVER. I LOVE Aunt Kathy. I needed that.

right now in my fridge I have most of a gallon of raw milk, half a box of 24 cans of diet coke, and several dozen condiments. that's it. I just threw out some moldy jalapenos.

for breakfast, I had a smoothie with raw milk, frozen organic strawberries and blueberries I picked with my daughters, a head of romaine, azomite mineral powder, lemon flavored cod liver oil, and a little raw honey. right now, at 10:57PM, I'm having a diet coke and a totino's pizza.

what a douche.

My fantasy of remodeling the bathroom by the time my new art students came to the house for my new art school has turned the bathroom into an unusable mess. Class starts in 12 hours.

drinking a starbucks pumpkin latte. 10 years ago tonight, Chris kissed me for the first time. I'd been drinking a syrupy hazelnut latte Betsy'd gotten me from the gas station. Tonight was my birthday date opportunity. We used the babysitting to continue painting the house. Today I painted 3 dining room chairs - sap green, light green, and orange, painted the coffee off white, painted the rest of the trim in the living room and foyer and painted the front door and closet doors, painted 12 windows. Chris changed the light fixture in the bathroom and sealed the walls. The next door neighbor brought over some of his ribs! I cleared out the girls' room except for one outfit each and I planted tulip, hyacinth, crocus and allium bulbs.

Charlotte has been sewing. She used the squeaker extracted from a store bought dog toy to sew Ramona a new squeak toy. I admired her recycling idea.

several balls in the air. starting art lessons in house in a few days and have decided a home improvement list has to be finished first. This includes laying the rest of the mulch, finishing plastering and wallpapering the bathroom, (thank you Dan for replacing the pipes today!) and priming and painting trim and furniture.

and doors. and changing the light fixture in the bathroom and hanging trim in there. skimming the walls - laying on a smooth thin layer of plaster - to cover up the peeling paint that couldn't be sanded off - has been the most tedious bit but now, midnight, I think I can check that off. My dad came out and brought the old wingback chairs, a more manly choice than the previous chairs, and two really cute tables, one is a little kidney shaped writing desk. not sure where to put it. And then took me to Menards after we all had dinner together. He brought me a birthday card and a gift card to bed...beyond because I told him I wanted the lenox chirp shower curtain. so thoughtful.

Also prepping for art lessons, not entirely sure how I'll pay for materials before I have material fees from 15 students. Also working on a huge school project with a group and, as always, working on homeschooling. We had our science co-op this week and did an experiment measuring oxygen used by fire. Always fun to get together.

Eleanor had her first horse back lesson this week. such a beautiful location. ahh, I love fall.


Feeling sentimental lately, going through pictures, getting ready to frame and hang and make albums finally, really missing my grandparents.

Nice visit with big Charlotte this week.


Also cut Eleanor's hair on the way out the door this week. Couldn't take that monster knot in the back of her head one more minute.

today I got up early with the dog, planted the mint, strawberries, and lettuce that Mary gave me last night, watered plants, turned on the tiller, remembered it was 8:30 on Sunday morning and turned it off, painted an end table, dug out the five front bushes with chainsaw, planted the 50% off climbing roses, clematis' and hydrangea I indulged in earlier this week, tilled the rest of the backyard and four corner beds in the front (Chris was unaware of this part of the plan - he's a grass fan somehow), planted wildflower seeds in the butterfly corner, planted morning glory seeds along the remaining bushes, took Gracie for a short bike ride, continued to let the girls watch as much TV as they liked, mixed high cal lime, gypsum, bonemeal, vetch seed, oat seed, and oilseed radish (Gracie helped) and sprinkled it all on the back beds, rearranged stepping stones, painted other end table, got two loads of mulch and Wendy's for dinner at 7, unloaded first half of second mulch load in the dark, watched Nim's Island with girls, put girls to bed and read from Alice in Wonderland, plastered the bathroom a bit, and sat down with a little ice-cream to check email. Getting all this done made me feel really good. A few more loads of free mulch and I'll be done outside for the year. ... Might pick up a clearance butterfly bush, though. And I have garlic bulbs coming in the mail. Might plant those next to the roses.

Gracie likes to garden. She demands to help and says things like, I like doing this. She was one when I started to garden seriously and spent that first summer sitting in soil and eating it.

We had a little party for my dad's birthday this week. I keep making cakes with cream cheese frosting. Its so good.
1 stick butter
2 8oz blocks of cream cheese
2 seconds pour of vanilla
powder sugar to taste - maybe 3 cups?
let mixer go for a long time for fluffy frosting.

We got new living room furniture from my great aunt's estate that I'm really excited about. Will post image soon; thinking about painting all the wood white. Finally finished painting trim in dining room after starting at least a month ago. Painting windows is really boring. Have set a goal to finish my three big house projects before new art classes start in my dining room: bathroom plaster, wallpaper, floor tiles, and homemade curtains; paint living room trim and furniture white; and finish laying mulch on half the yard. Bought hairy vetch, oats, and oilseed radish to cover crop the area and just planted a patch of lettuce and sweet peas. Found a source of aged horse manure free but feeling overwhelmed about how many trips have to be made to cover the area. Wish I had a pick-up truck. What seats like a mini-van, hauls like a pick-up, and looks like an old bronco? Oh, and super fuel efficient? A unicorn?

Girls have been consistent with latest schedule: one does a dishwasher load, one does a load of laundry, one page of math, spelling/handwriting practice or quiz, journal entry, and 15 " novel reading of choice before lunch. It's an hour's worth of work asked for in a four hour window, in any order they want, that seems to be teaching them something about work before play, even if that play is invaluable unschooling. Besides, they love to read, and Charlotte enjoys making wonderful, illustrated journal entries. We are also still taking notes once a week on Story of the World and have set up a weekly meeting with one family for science projects and our new neighbor friends for weekly crafts. Charlotte is in ballet and this week her teacher made them all sit facing the wall instead of playing freeze dance at the end because two of the girls were goofing off. Charlotte says he's no fun but I'm pleased he's taking it seriously and already weeding out dancers from players. Eleanor is finishing archery, which she lights up about when asked, and starts horse back riding next week. They're the cheapest lessons I've found but at 25 a pop - which covers almost 2 hours of riding and grooming, she won't be doing anything else and won't be able to go every month. She's so thrilled about it though; I had been looking for something she would love as much as Charlotte loves ballet. Eleanor is a warrior.

I love my dog, Ramona Quimby. She keeps going in the house but that's my fault for not crating her consistently enough. Other than that, she's perfect. She lays at our feet when we're on the couch and has never run away. We let her loose in the woods this week and she never strays from us. She mostly lay under our picnic table. I love her velvet puppy ears; there's a little trim paint on one now.

Oh, PS, the bird has already found a new home.

Today we had our friends over to make our final Rube Goldberg machine. We prepared for this by watching rube goldberg you tubes, especially this one,
and Bill Nye's simple machines episode.
Our project goal was to make a machine that would make chocolate milk and involve a wheel, wedge, lever, and inclined plane. Success!

In other news, I brought an old birdcage to my aunt's tonight because they were trying to catch a parakeet that had been hanging out in their yard for days before the cold hit AND went home with a new pet bird. Not the plan but it is pretty and would look nice in a round white hanging cage in the corner. Stay tuned for Chris' reaction.

dropped dog off at 7am for spay and to remove double back dew claws. dog feeling expensive.
reading, writing, 'rithmatic. girls worked quietly on projects while I processed 7 dozen red peppers I got for four dollars.
took el to archery class. nice to see friends. started offering art classes for homeschoolers.
caught end of unschoolers' 'not back to school party.' I love those guys.

went to dad's tonight to clean out knick knacks. I hadn't shed a tear at the wake or funeral but seeing the house dismantled made it all feel real and I let it out. got a crying headache. picked some stuff out. girls came home with a box of junk they picked out on each of their laps. the house felt so lonely with the presence of gram and pa being moved out. the death of a place - the place that felt most like home. I brought some table linens home and they smell exactly like the house - the linen closet. I wrapped a tablecloth around my face, closed my eyes, and breathed in their smell as much as I could. It was summer again and Gram was there and I was 8. I sealed them in a bag in hopes they'll smell that way for a while.

had a party for violet last night. got pretty big and rowdy. fun. made red velvet cake with pink cream cheese frosting. house is getting very clean. clean and organized enough that I'm confident enough to hold art lessons here.

So I drank too much caffeine at the wedding and I couldn't sleep so I've been online or cropping, printing and arranging photos for a birthday gift for my niece. While at the wedding, I asked my aunt's brother in law, whom I've never spoken with before, if he remembers where he got a necklace for my mom forty years ago, back when they dated briefly. Of course he didn't but memories were jogged and it was all very friendly. I had worn this particular necklace for ten years. It was so delicate and beautiful and the perfect length - I can't stand to have anything touch my chest and this sat right at my throat. It was like magic, I remember from when I was little, how the sparkles moved gently within the tiny glass sphere. When I was 20, I dropped it on a tile floor and it shattered. I cried. I searched for a replacement unsuccessfully for years. An old boyfriend had a pitiful replica made for me that was neither a sphere nor filled with crystals. So this morning, in my meditative state, achieved through no sleep and sitting here at the screen long enough, I found it. Its called a floating opal pendant. There were lots of them available and, with a little more searching, I found the same one! And bought it immediately. For $50. Perfect.
This one is similar, but mine was silver. You can't see how it moves inside and catches the light, but it gives an idea.

The dog's name is Bailey. And its no longer up for discussion: out of my hands. ...I liked Ramona. This morning the whole family went to a park with a track; Chris and I jogged with the dog and the girls rode their bikes. Tonight we went to my cousin's wedding; it was fun.

I had sketched out (with rocks) the edges of next years garden beds and spent time today laying free city mulch on what amounts to about half the yard. One big chunk of that is just wood chips under the tire swing. I'm pretty excited about this project. Meanwhile, I haven't finished the bathroom walls or painting all the trim/windows. Free city mulch can include diseased trees; I'm hoping biozome soil probiotic will eat away any badness between now and spring. Will also lay down some free aged horse manure I was offered (!), high calcium lime, gypsum, bonemeal, and rock phosphate and maybe some azomite trace mineral powder. This area will get vegetables, flowers, and 2 mini-dwarf apple trees in the spring.

Most perfect and beautiful chandelier ever. Just under $700. Considering the 199 white Target chandelier and adding some strands of aqua beads, etc.

monday was so long ago, but I know we did spelling, math , and reading in the morning and that I went grocery shopping with a menu list and painted window frames after the girls went to bed.

tuesday involved school clothes shopping with a generous friend, some babysitting of nephews, and dinner at tania's.

wednesday: spelling, math, and quiet reading before lunch, history after, then visited with Cote at their house, cleaned up house, then had new neighbor friend with her 3 girls come over, had carrot cupcakes and tea and she brought fresh challah.

thursday: read about the hanging gardens of babylon from history online. made connections with current physics project (pump system for getting the water from the euphrates up the fake mountain), girls made paintings about the gardens, I went to the gym, made fettucine with chicken and herbs and tomatoes from garden, Mary and kids stopped by for a lovely last minute visit, worked on physics project, went to Amy's for dinner and visit.

friday: read book about Maria Tallchief over breakfast, girls drew pictures about their future dreams: Charlotte -ballet, Eleanor -horses, math, spelling, (spellingcity.com). its 11:30 now and I'm taking a little break and trying to get organized.

Gracie has been making "school" difficult lately. She has her own math pages, tracing numbers and recognizing them, and uses starfall for letters, but she has an exceptionally demanding personality and between her yelling and the other girls' bickering, I feel like I'm earning my keep.

Been getting up with the dog at 6:30 every morning. Feels good. This morning I took care of the dog and did dishes before anyone got up. Her name is up for grabs still. Chris hated Alice, the girls like Ramona now, ...maybe Mabel.