We grew up in a fundamentalist church. Turnoffs included the inevitable consequences of black and white thinking, my mom's overreactions to popular culture; cliques, materialism, the mad, angry Sunday mornings in a rush to look good and get to Sunday school on time, a youth pastor who believed dancing was a sin but called people 'faggot' in disgust, the behavior of most Christians, the megalomania, the insincerity, the boringness of having to listen to WMBI in the car, and an overall inability to really believe what I was being taught - to deep inside have 'the fire.' I tried really hard. I was in the leadership sector of the youth group. I outlined the new testament on my own in junior high. I went to countless youth revivals. I went to Jesus camp.
I found my real friends outside the church. I rebeled as hard - harder- than my mom tried to control me. I questioned 2000 year old Christianity in the scope of human history. I questioned the role of missionaries and the legitimacy of other religions. I embraced evolution. I went to college. I lived in Japan. I read Ken Wilbur. The last shred of religion dropped off when my Protestant background and my new husband's Catholic background clashed.
A Christian lobbyist was talking on NPR about Obama's abortion reduction plans. That is the most hopeful thing I've heard on this yet. A shift from the hateful black and white thinking. Just like we can't remove every soldier from Iraq tonight, we can't stop all abortions with a law. There has to be education and a long term plan crafted from compromise.
Anyway, it planted in me a seed of hope, a softening. There is a narrow shaft of light inside that shines with a belief in God, not necessarily Jesus, but it is usually obscured by shifting layers of irritation with Christians. I just caught a glimpse.
In daily news, I had an AM panic attack over Sallie Mae, we went roller skating, the girls upgraded to in-line skates, and Charlotte had a nice first playdate at Gabby's.
I enjoyed this.
No comments:
Post a Comment