Today I saw a curious gray duck in the snow, but it was just snow. Later, I saw snow that looked like a bird, but it was the wing of a pigeon sticking up from the street.
This morning I served soaked porridge (from Nourishing Traditions) that no one else ate but me. We missed the yoga class I'd planned on and tried to do math workbooks instead. I took a shower while they worked. I should have done this last night or gotten up earlier because that's when they started to fight. Eleanor told Charlotte she was going to kill herself, because apparently "you hate me" doesn't carry enough oomph for her anymore. I addressed this as best I could and we eventually got out the door to run errands. We filled 3 kitchen garbage bags with assorted flotsam and jetsam from the car before we left the driveway. We signed Eleanor up for soccer league at the park district. Next we went to the library - stressful but uneventful. Our last stop was the grocery store where I told Eleanor she was like an electric sander on my skull - badgering me unceasingly about wanting some rotten pineapples for her fruit kebabs. (We had 6 kinds of fresh fruit in the cart already.) She is like a freight train with the bulldozer attachment on the front for snow removal. She will not shut up. No consequence matters to her more than the pleasure of satisfying her impulse to carry on. I was exhausted when we got home at 2 and had tuna for lunch. We had to have tuna because yesterday I opened all 5 cans so I could put wax medium (for my paintings) in them. Without enough time to properly clean up, I piled them back in the car and took them to their grandma's, trying to resist thoughts of boarding school on the way. Feeling like a zombie, I remembered it was free coffee at McDonald's on Mondays and waited for my sample. It was sunny, and the wind hinted of spring. I was alone and it reminded me of how great it feels to be alone, traveling. I listened to Nada Surf and sang and cried until my boss called. Work was fine.
Today's difficulty with Eleanor was particularly upsetting after Thursday's insistence that homeschooling was a clear success for us (in the face of being told that it wasn't, when asking if I should take that sub job.) I guess this is just what the hard part looks like. I don't know if I can handle Eleanor's behavior and I don't feel confident today that I can spend enough time schooling them in between my job and errands and housework. Today feels like the 21st mile.
This weekend I painted on 3 of my 10 boards and I think I know where I'm going. Tonight I don't even care, I'm going to bed before 10.
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