Tuesday, March 31, 2009

getting better

I was very depressed last week.  Depths of despair.

Today, I got a chai latte and drank it while walking to work in the rain, under an oversized umbrella.  I especially enjoyed this because it reminded me of living in Japan when I often walked to work in the rain.  I enjoyed my classes and am glad to be back after Spring Break even though I was plotting to quit.  I have been feeling discouraged since I calculated that my hourly rate after babysitting and transportation is hardly worth the trouble.  I considered home daycare yesterday.  

Today I looked at moving to the nice school district and stuffing my darlings into school.  I am having a hard time staying focused on them throughout the day and Eleanor poured a strawberry smoothie on Charlotte's head today.  I found an awesome house that we can't afford.  I think it's what Chris wants, and I could enjoy it, but it's not what I truly want.  It makes me nervous to imagine being a have after being a have-not for so long.  I feel comfortable with nothing to lose.

My idea:  wwoof, obtain land, build cob house, maintain garden, chickens, possibly a few cows,  artwork in the winter.

I started reading Wendell Berry and he's already my new hero.  

8 gun shots just went off on my block.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I am glad you are doing better. Some days or weeks are really hard. Maybe the warmer weather will release some energy in the girls and help calm your life. :)