we have ants. Huge ones, medium ones, tiny ones. They are all over the kitchen and spilling into the dining room. Every time something is picked up, three ants run from under. Last night I heard "THWACK THWACK THWACK" at 2:30 in the morning. Chris and his shoe. They infiltrated our house in the last 12 hours. A glance in the kitchen upon waking revealed a few dozen ants running around across my whole field of vision.

Unfortunately, I procrastinated all my studying and birthday cupcake making till today, but now its all about cleaning scrubbing and spraying. I don't even care about pesticide concerns right now. We are under attack.

Two concerts last week. Paul Simon at the Vic, a small club. AMAZING. He's still got it. I love him and his eclectic sounds. He really connects with the audience and all his musicians, though rather stone-faced most of the time, are multi-instrumentalists and really kept things going. I love Paul Simon. I have to admit though, that after a while, even when its great, my back just hurts from standing and I get bored and wish to move on.

Saturday we got free tickets to see Lucinda Williams. I love her songs and I love her voice. We waited through a painfully mediocre blues band and then a live auction, sucking the life out of my back and legs and attention span. When Lucinda came on, her boob was kind of hanging out and all I could think was, how can I see so much and no nipple, she is pretty old... someone should tell her to pull her shirt up ... I hope she's not embarrassed when she sees pictures later. Very distracting. But the real problem was that she was just going through the motions. Her voice was fantastic, but she was like an animatronic bear at show biz. There was no personality, no connection, she gazed above our heads, moved mechanically, she looked like maybe she was having a bad day and just trying to get through it. She needed the lyrics laid out for her. And what a weird crowd. For the first time ever, we actually left early. As soon as we stepped out the door, I was energized and thrilled to be alive. We got burgers and fries at Five Guys. I love their cool soda machines. For me, fast food hamburgers was way more fun than a sold-out concert. I just don't have the attention span for them anymore. I have to keep moving and be free.

Thank you PBS, for watching my daughter while I study maniacally in the next room.

Thank you state-mandated daycare/elementary school for watching my kids for one more week so I can study maniacally.

Thank you husband, for working four hours of overtime today and on Saturday and on Memorial Day so we might be able to pay the mortgage.

Thank you professor of Anatomy, for writing such impossibly difficult tests that I will just really have to memorize EVERYTHING about hormones and blood today.

Thank you, Local Community College, for being such an unreliable and poorly paying employer that I have been inspired again to become a nurse.

Thank you, floor nursing, for sucking so hard, that I will go on to become an NP or midwife right away and multiply my last year's wages by 10.

Thank you, endocrine system, for including so much organic chemistry that my ego leftover from the easy A in Anatomy 1 is immediately knocked down to size.

Thank you, Bob, for inspiring me to pick up my blog again ... and put off my studying just a little more.

Right brain, thank you for making creativity so easy for me.

Left brain, please WAKE UP.

There's a tiny studio space with huge windows, right on the river, for three hundred a month and I really want it. I don't have three hundred dollars, let alone a month. So I am imagining ways to make this 300 plus 400 toward student loans that never get paid. How can I make 700 a month? Aargh, let's just say 100/week.

Paintings: 10 birds a month would cover the rent.

Or two big encaustic pieces.

Art lessons: I make 400/year now....

I could hold the lessons there. That would be cute. Five private lessons a week would cover the rent.

Anything I make teaching at the college goes toward house bills.

I guess the real question is: Will the space help me make more money painting or not? It has to more than pay for itself.

new project

Excited about new multi media project I plan to unveil in August.

Influences:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4gPZPKJc0s&feature=related

















www.bushwickfarms.com (Tara and Stuart)

Ame no Uzume

A period of down - ness re-inspired my inner poet and I am needing to merge writing and art-making and also my old love, performing. All I can say now, is that I'm building a stage and looking for a trombone player.

I'm making a website right now. I used 15 of our last 25$ in the bank on 3 months of websitetonight.com and it SUCKS. Or I suck.

Blogspot is so easy but getting myname.com seemed much more professional.

Today was pie day (3.14) so we made a chocolate pie and now I am up late finishing it.

My therapist bought 2 more paintings today and ordered a 7th. I just love her. I needed that money for groceries.

I have completely shifted my attitude towards painting as a job. 3rd shift.

I am trying to make some paintings for Japan relief. I started to make encaustic pieces from journalism photos, but its not working. People want happy pretty imagery anyway, not earthquake detritus, even if it does look cool and make me want to weep at the same time.

I am really thinking about doing Renegade Craft Fair this year. If I can make 100 paintings for that, I can get a gallery in Chicago. My big step right now is making the website so I can print it on business cards. And painting like the dickens. That, luckily, is the fun part. Except that now I have a stomach ache from pie.

Also must finish week one of Humanities course by Sunday night. And three paintings for Saturday. And at least one Japan painting for Friday. 7 other commissions also in queue. Plus, last week of in-home lessons is this week so I'm trying to get students shuffled into time slots for the next session.

I love doublestacks with no cheese. Its a good after-workout meal, in my opinion.

I love my husband. He's always buying electronic, music kind of stuff that I think is totally unnecessary, but then I turn out to enjoy the stuff. Like the ipod dock. What would I do without it? He goes to a lot of concerts. Some say I'm too easy on him. I say, its his life. His Life. This is it. Its happening now and we should enjoy it and not put off the fun parts till a later that never comes. If he can figure out how to pay for it, why shouldn't he do what he loves? Good for him.

I may be feeling especially this way now because over the last few days I spent a lot of money on my own hobby. Ha HA! I'm so excited. Right now in my basement, hiding under my giant studio table, are 6 flats of seeds on a shower curtain on an electric blanket, under 6 grow lights. Last time I did two flats and had plenty, but you gotta remember I worked on a farm last year and now I think BIG. And I'm obsessive. I hope to sell some extra plants to offset the costs of the endeavor. (black cherry, sungold, lemon drop and ananas noir tomatoes, rosemary, delphinium, basil, balsam, baby's breath, marigolds, mossrose, rainbow peppers, romanesco broccoli, violet cauliflower, lavender... there's more, I forget all I did extra of.) I intended to spend 50 at Menards yesterday and when the bill came to 132, I felt a little sick to my stomach. I know its tight till next Friday, but when I get to the seed display, my eyes glaze over and I'm in a compulsive trance. I've drawn a map of where it will all go. Also bought bulbs at home depot, including dinner plate dahlias much cheaper than online. And think of how much these plants would cost in 2 months. I'm saving 100s! Half of our little yard will be gardens. Hoping the dog will help with squirrels and rabbits. Worried she'll tear up the beds. I hate squirrels. I'll be shocked if a single bulb I planted last fall comes up after the feast they had. I am not the kind of woman who feels cuddly about woodland creatures. Snow White, you are living in a dream world. I'll never forget how the Japanese woman who stayed with us reacted to seeing her first squirrel - she ran screaming, terrified. Actually, she turned out to be worse than squirrels, but that's another story.

Must. Get back. To painting. Finishing 4 birds before bed to drop off at shop tomorrow.

Artist Statement du jour

My work reflects fleeting moments of joy in the ordinary. I see my immediate world as a heart-breakingly beautiful experience. Whether in wax or resin, the records of my observations are colorful, swirling, and luminous.

The birds began as sketches after my grandfather died. As I drew, it popped into my head that they used to call him "bird-legs" and I laughed out loud. I didn't realize it at first, but these birds were about him and my grandmother. He fed the backyard birds each morning into his 90's. The birds are a symbol for memories. Happy memories. Now the chubby, little birds have become a shared pleasure. They've become a conversation with new people. Maybe not everybody thinks rusty excavators are gorgeous like I do, but most people enjoy backyard birds. We can connect that way.