Wednesday was gorgeous and we met our group for a hike in the woods.  Hikes in the woods are my favorite.  Hands down my best memory as a kid.  

We watched Kung Fu Panda and now Charlotte wants to take karate.  

Thursday night I was reading about geology and the age of the earth to the girls and Charlotte said God made the earth in six days right? and I said no and she said but that's what my teacher said and I said I disagree and she said but my teacher is a grown up so I believe her and I said sometimes grownups believe different things and she said I'm so confused! and started to cry.  She was very upset, trying to understand God and the meaning of life, until her little body fell asleep on the couch two hours later.  This child is a deeply thinking old soul.

I will never send them to vacation bible school with my cousin's kids again.  

Friday we went to open gym at a gymnastics place.  Big success.  Their favorite part was the pits of foam cubes to jump into.  I wore striped tights and leg warmers to make up for boring hair.  In this garb, I had the scare of my life when we ran out of gas after gymnastics.  The car is already a beater (today  a third door is stuck shut) so I wasn't sure it was the gas.  No IDIOT light.  The car stopped moving in the middle of the highway along an entrance ramp so I couldn't get to the side of the road.  I called Chris as it slowed down, then 911 and I must have been panicking because the lady kept telling me to stop panicking.  We were stopped in the right lane, all my kids in the backseat, speeding cars swerving to miss us.  A small, well-dressed  Hispanic man ran up to my car and yelled you're gonna get hit! and told me to put it in neutral.  He pushed us to the shoulder and I got out of the car, shaking, and gave him a hug.  He got back into his car with his family and drove away.  I am so grateful to that man.  His bravery saved our lives.  

Thank you, man.

I called Chris, who was waiting helplessly to hear if we were OK, then called the insurance to bring gas.  Sue called and said she would wait on the side of the road till she heard the insurance would come but then my friend Wendy, who I was on my way to meet for the first time in ten years and was now late for called and she said she would bring gas, so I hung up with the insurance elevator music, called back Sue, and then the HELP truck came(from the 911 call), just as Eleanor was about to pee on the side of the road.  Like a peanut, her bladder.  So I called Wendy to tell her not to come, but then the HELP guy said there was an accident, so he had to leave, so I called Wendy back and we had our reunion on the side of the road.  

We had a very nice visit and talked for five hours, walking around the mall (and I hate the mall.)  There was no good reason that we ever stopped being friends and I always missed her, so I hope we stay in touch now.  I then took the kids to my dad's for a visit and then at 10! to my aunt's to wish Nicole a happy birthday.  mother of the year.  

Saturday I was hopelessly depressed.  I even considered deleting my blog because it is not perfect and I don't do anything well and I want to be good at something.  I think it was mostly a hormonally charged? (or just crazy) overreaction to a disorganized house.  The clothes carpet is back.  I felt very overwhelmed at my choice to unschool and the awesome responsibility that comes with.  I always choose open-ended, creative options and then beat myself up over never being good enough because there is no black and white in anything I choose.  I could always do better.  This was one of the reasons I applied to nursing school last year, for a more linear path to the bottom line.   I need a regular balance of linear and open-ended tasks.  Seeming like there are a lot of nurses in my life lately, with reliable incomes, I again considered taking another pre-req toward nursing, just to mosey along to a two year degree.  Might as well get on the waitlist.  It wouldn't be like the accelerated masters program I was going to do.  Just easy does it.  ... I don't know.  It's already hard with Chris taking a couple classes.  Saturday was worse because he was gone most of the day.  

We also went to my other aunt's house and made cupcakes all afternoon.  She is always happy and laid back and I tend more toward crabby, so I actually found seven kids hopped up on frosting a little stressful.  I was grateful for the company.

Sunday I made sure to get out of the house for a few hours myself.  I went to the gym and then to the store, special coupon in hand, and bought myself a magenta, a teal, and a chartreuse top each.  The colors were very exciting.  I saw a ridiculous pre-lit pink Christmas tree in the Big Lots flyer for $50.  It is a waste of money, not sustainable, and maybe not even reuseable, but I can't get the image of that pink tree, covered in turquoise ball ornaments, out of my mind.  Light pink and turquoise makes me crazy; my heart skips a beat.  

This morning, the girls and I went to a 3D IMAX showing of whales and dolphins.  Even Gracie wore the glasses and reached out to touch the cetaceans.  I imagined that this imagery would be logged away in her permanent memory, instilling in her a passion for the sea, for which she wouldn't know the origin.

We stopped by my mom's for lunch afterward and she tried to give me a box of my stuff, but I know my box of journals, diaries, love letters was eaten by mice.  this was Margaret's.  I read her 8 years old diary.  My mom told me stop it.  I love childhood misspelling.  I love remembering the little girl, vulnerable version of my sister.  She sells herself so well now that even I buy it.  

I love you Margaret.  

Instead of Margaret's box, we left with a hamster cage and a microscope.