trudge

Today I'm a little stressed out about a volunteer job I took on before I started homeschooling. I'm playing gallery director for an event that is to kick off our community using the arts as an economic generator. I was very enthusiastic for this effort in the last three years and my teaching position directly contributes to this, but I just don't care at all right now. I don't want anything causing me this kind of anxiety while I am trying to adjust to -homeschooling/present and focused parent- mode. I really don't think the arts are as welcome here as some might think. There is an almost total dearth of creativity - perhaps even a disdain for the actual creative - in the group trying to attract the arts here. It's about money and it's going to fail - for now, at least. There is nothing for an artist here. There used to be cheap rents, but not anymore.

My fantasies all revolve around going rural.

My creative energies lay now in an obsession over hand built homes, cob , garden fences made of colorful scrap wood, permaculture, homesteading, and maybe the possibility of creating blown glass garden art for sale. I don't know. Glass blowing classes and equipment are pretty expensive. I've always been drawn to it and it's always been too expensive.

There was a weird moment today when Eleanor was out in the rain in her winter coat and snow boots, wandering along the curb and I came out, dirty pink sweatpants, baby on hip, and told her to get back inside. I was afraid that if people saw her moseying around during school hours, they would call the truancy police. It seemed like crazy talk in my head, but what we are doing is very controversial around here, most anywhere, I guess. I felt bad and then later I let them play in the rain in the backyard. I just don't want any trouble. I feel confident about our decision to unschool. A woman in our group posted this article which boosted my confidence even more.

Later we drove across town to pick tomatoes and carrots in the rain, then made some everything we have soup and the best french bread we've made yet - from this recipe - I would add a 1/4 tsp salt. Even Gracie was a good kneader. I also made more oatmeal cookies for Chris. I at least feel like less of a douche if I can muster together some good food for the family - even if I feel bad because I'm distracted/anxious and am afraid of being attacked for unschooling.

My sister left today. I will miss her.

everything we had soup
drizzle olive oil in a huge pot
tossed in one onion, maybe 2 cups baby carrots, sliced
then a pepper that was red and yellow and green, diced
then a small stalk of celery, a Japanese eggplant, a yellow squash, and a zucchini, all cut small
stir this all around while you keep preparing vegetables
then I quartered about 20 tomatoes, 5 at a time, and processed them in the vita-mix
one of those batches got a whole bulb of garlic, paper and all. pour all that in
I blended another zucchini, and then fresh basil and parsley, all with water, and poured that in too.
I also blended the profuse amount of celery greens (from my CSA, and unlike any celery I'd seen before) and I regret adding that. Maybe a handful would've been OK, but this was like 4 packed cups and now it should just be called celery soup.
Cut in kernels of three ears of sweet corn
Toss in three handfuls of red lentils.
Sea salt to taste
I also added two heavy pinches of sugar to balance some of the bitter celery.
Boil this down for a few hours.
Very nice with the fresh bread.
Now all I have left to contend with is the patty pan squash.